Tuesday, January 17, 2012


I don't know about the job yet--I'm still not sure what I'll say if it is offered to me. I considered working as a substitute teacher instead. Or doing nothing. And staying home and trying to get some things in order: house, kids, myself, take care of that laundry list of things I have been putting off forever.

I still thought maybe I could sub once or twice a week. And then Sunday night I had this awful dream. It started out as my son's birthday party, but none of the kids would listen to me. All I wanted to do was take a group picture--and none of them would be still and line up.

I kept saying, "okay, tall kids in the back, mediums in the middle, littles in the front" like they were lining up for a class picture or something. Only the kids were running around screaming. And I kept looking at the Mailman, and putting my fingers to my mouth as if I wanted him to whistle to get their attention. Because they clearly weren't listening to me.

Then somehow it morphed into a school situation, in which all the kids abruptly left the classroom, and left all of their papers on the floor, and on the desks, and on the tables and chairs. And suddenly it was the lunchroom--and everyone came in for lunch: hundreds of kids and teachers marched in. I was crawling around on the floor frantically picking up the kids' papers and coats they had left behind. And I felt awful, and inadequate. And I realized when I awoke that maybe substitute teaching wouldn't work out either.

So last night I had a nice talk with the Mailman and we determined that maybe I do just need some time to put things in order. Starting with just one thing at a time. Some days I try to tackle it all at once, and end up feeling unmotivated and frustrated.

So today I'm going to make a list of what is reasonable (and not what *I* think is reasonable, but what is really reasonable), and tackle what I can. Like today, maybe that means dishes. Getting things back in reasonable order then tackling one thing at a time.

Matthew 6:25-27: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Monday, January 9, 2012

Job Interview

Yes, me. Job Interview.

It's been a while. But I had one today. And it didn't kill me. I walked away relatively unscathed. And calm. And I didn't feel nauseous the whole time.

Ten plus years ago (the last time I had a job interview...yikes!), I felt just horrible every time I had an interview. Nervous, shaking, miserable, sick to my stomach, pretty much the whole time.

So what has changed? I'm older--perhaps being in my thirties (and way too close to forty, even) helps? Perhaps having four kids--does having kids really give you nerves of steel? or do you just get so used to stress and chaos that in contrast, sitting in a calm room being peered at by five women seems like a day at a spa. Or a lunch out with old friends?

or maybe it's that I wasn't nervous about being perfect because going in, I wasn't 100% sure I even wanted the job. It's more hours than I want, ideally, slightly later in the afternoon than I would like--and honestly, do I really even want to go back to work after this long being home?

At any rate, I felt oddly relaxed, confident, funny even--got a few giggles and knowing smiles from women who were not intimidating. I didn't feel like a little kid who didn't know what she was doing, as I have in previous job interviews.

So whether or not I get it, I think I'm ready. If the interview went that well, surely the job couldn't be too bad. Right?

Monday, January 2, 2012

Today was the last day of break

Last day to have 4 kids home. All together: playing, fighting, running, teasing, singing, screaming, creating.

Playing school, Star Wars, house, orphans (yes, they like to pretend their parents are dead...what does that say about me?), making up plays, huddling together to watch movies, accidentally injuring, then retaliating, then forgiving. And so on.

And the Mailman goes back to work tomorrow too. Sigh.

I love having them all home. I know some parents can't wait to send their kids back to school after a two week Christmas break. But I love having the house filled with all the sounds of having 4 kids. Even when they are quiet, I know they are here. and he has been here to help. Which has made it all better.

He doesn't want to go back to work tomorrow either. And the girls would rather have more time at home. Henry, though, loves first grade and can't wait to get back to his teacher, his desk, his friends, recess, whatever it is that 6 year olds love.

And it's coming whether we like it or not. The house is undecorated for Christmas, the presents are unwrapped and integrated into the rest of the toys in their rooms, lunches are packed, it's all ready to go.

and it will just be me and Bea again tomorrow.  I'm sure she'll want to watch her new Tinkerbell movie,

and I'll be made and offered many plates of play food, and many scribbled drawings, made with love by a special 4 year old.

So good bye, break, and hello reality.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

January 1

Today didn't really feel like a New Year's Day. With church in the morning and lunch at my parents' house, it just felt, odd. Like a regular Sunday really, not the typical lazing around all day New Year's.

But the Christmas decorations came down. Like any good New Year's Day. And though the kids were sad about it, especially the sight of the bare tree standing in the living room, it must be done. We did get it up early this year so I don't feel quite as bad as I might have other years.

and I am practicing trying to use my new camera. One of my goals for the New Year is to learn how to really use it. And use it!

I started my 365 Photo Project. With practice shots of the kids eating frosted mini wheats at supper. (yeah, we eat cold cereal every Sunday night for supper...so I don't win Mother of the Year award...)

and we got Bea's room re-organized and cleaned up. Which is quite a feat in itself.

So I guess it was a good enough day.

I feel like I should say more but it's late and I'm tired, so once again, Happy 2012.