Because I must...

Become a morning person...

Lose those last few pounds...

Build up that emergency fund a bit...

Let go of my anxiety and worry and tendency to binge on toast and butter and jelly when I'm stressed...

Get those loose ends tied up...

Keep the house cleaned up for more than 24 hours...

Be prepared for whatever lies ahead (because God knows, even if I don't have a clue)...

Get organized, once and for all, and teach my children how to be organized...

Get organized, so I'm not late, so my kids aren't perpetually unprepared for life...like this morning.

To back up a bit, 8:30 a.m. soccer games in late October are just cruel. At least in Indiana they are. We crunched through the first frost of the year on our way to the field, the kids were bundled up and could barely move. You couldn't tell who was on what team, because all you could see were the hats and gloves and puffy winter coats. Sure, there were a few freezing children who wore their team shirts tightly stretched over their hoodies, but the majority of the players were team-less, or at least appeared that way.

But even before that, there was the mayhem at home this morning at 7:45--when Henry couldn't find his team shirt (not that it ultimately mattered---we never did find it); he found his shin guards but one of the plastic guards were missing out of the sock part. His reply, "it must have fallen out". Now if you're a soccer mom at all, you know those plastic guards don't just "fall" out of the socks, you sort of have to work and stress just to remove those suckers to wash them--so I'm not quite sure what happened.

I did find it, finally, but not without a lot of frustration and lost time. And yes, Beatrice was wearing a two sizes too big Buzz Lightyear sweatshirt because I couldn't find a sweatshirt to fit her. And I wore my 11 year old's slightly snug gloves because I couldn't find my own.

But I digress...my point was, apparently, organization is not my strong suit.

But it has been, in the past, and I feel it could be again, with a little work.

So here's the deal: I can't go on like this. 

As life gets busier and busier, it gets more difficult to keep all the plates spinning at once. So in order to do that, I am committing to getting all my ducks in a row--then it's just a matter of maintenance. Maintenance is easy, right?  and I figure, instead of waiting til 2012 to make new resolutions that will probably not hold up--I want to put myself in a situation where by the end of 2011, I'm there. And I have sort of already started. And already I have made some progress.

(You just wouldn't know it to walk in my house right now. ;-) )

So this is where I am at the moment. I'm holding myself accountable--and will post back tomorrow night.

Because I must make a difference.

But in the process, I need to be okay with it all, even the imperfect. That's a big lesson that I'm sure will extend beyond the 11 week plan.

Only 364 Days til...

Christmas. Yes, it was just yesterday.

But my kids are already planning ahead for Christmas 2011, and frankly, so am I. Last night after we arrived home from Christmas with my side of the family, Paige (10 years old) promptly announced to her 3 younger siblings, "Tomorrow is the beginning of the new Santa year." I.E., anything done between today and next Christmas Eve can either make you or break you. Smart kid.

For me, it's a little bit different. I am not happy with myself at all: I need to lose weight, keep my patience better with the kids, budget better, clean up the house and get it organized (and keep it that way, of course), get a cute haircut, become glamorous: you know, basic staple mom things. Some are more attainable than others. 

I have attempted the Flylady way many times over the year, and usually, each time, I am able to get through parts of it successfully--but never consistently. Last January through May, I lost some weight, I kept the house fairly cleaned up, I accomplished some things...but I gained most of that weight back, and I have gotten back to a messy house, sloppy finances, and feeling, well, downright blah again. It's a cycle that has recurred often throughout my 37 years. And with the dawn of each new year, I think, aha!! THIS will be my year. But it hasn't happened yet. 

So this time, I am not thinking in terms of goals, I am thinking in terms of a gift--my gift to myself, and my family, for next Christmas, is a better me.  One who looks better, feels better, and behaves like the mom I have envisioned in my head. Not perfect, but better.  I know it's corny, but what the heck. The goals and to do lists and resolutions haven't worked yet---so here goes. Perhaps corny will work. 

We still have Christmas with the Mailman's side of the family tomorrow night--then he will be off work til next Monday, January 3. Yippee!! The tag team parenting will make a comeback!  And in the meantime, I am going to spend a few days planning my plan of attack, preparing, with hubby's help, then I'm going to hit the ground running...next Monday. 

But I'm not going to call them New Year's Resolutions. I'm just planning ahead for next Christmas.

The Truth

I have a confession:

 I'm a mess. Honestly, I should count my lucky stars that my husband truly loves me, because if he didn't, he probably would've been out the door long long ago. Or so I tell him. 

I'm a really bad housekeeper. What's worse, is I'm an inconsistent housekeeper.  I may have a 3 month stint of keeping the house pretty clean, dishes done every day, laundry folded and put away.........and then bam, before you know it, I hit a slump. And it's not just keeping the house clean, it's our whole lifestyle. 

One week I have the menu posted for the week on Sunday night, grocery shopping done and put away Monday morning by 9 a.m, the next week, he can call me on the way home from work at almost 7 p.m. and ask what's for supper and I have no clue. And we run out of bread by Tuesday noon and just get by until he offers to stop at the store on the way home later in the week. It's not good.

My mom tries to tell me that everybody is like this, and they just put on a good front, but I don't buy it. If so, this world is in a pretty sorry state. Either that, she says, or if they do have clean houses and peaceful frames of mind, then their lives just aren't as busy as mine. She's an enabler, I tell you.

I can usually get the house cleaned up but keeping it that way is another story. Maintenance and I are not good friends. And this time it's gotten out of hand, in my opinion anyway.

But today I'm bound and determined. The hubby is at work, so it's just me and the kids here; I've threatened bribed  kindly asked my middle kids to play with Bea (who is 2 and makes me certain we're not having more kids), because in general, she tears up while I pick up and I ended up wanting to cry. An aside to this problem is that the middle kids have been arguing an awful lot--just this week since school started, after school every day, they've been at each other, they just can't get along. And my oldest, Paige, is busy with homework, and lots of it--that's the tragedy of 5th grade. So she will be no help.

Normally my dent is just doing the dishes, laundry, regular stuff--but I never really make a noticeable difference. Next time someone wears clothes or we have a meal, we're back at square one.

But not today, today will be different. I hear the 3 kids playing dress up and singing the Batman theme (you know, "Batman...dadadadadadada....Batman"), all seems to be well, temporarily anyway. I hope and pray. 

So, with that...........I'm off.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.